Where Have I Been?

Where has the time gone? I seriously had every intention of updating this daily. HA! I barely have enough time to sleep these days, why in the world would I think I have time to update? I had planned on updating while at work, but upon returning from maternity leave, I found out they had blocked Blogspot at work. WTF? 


Today, my sweet baby boys are four months old. WHAT?! They are no longer teeny tiny newborns. They are chubby baby boys who smile at their mommy every time they see her. 


They're also reaching for things, "talking", have rolled over one time each, are sitting in their Bumbos (even though their little thighs get stuck in them!) and have just started laughing out loud the last few days. They also may be cutting their first tooth. There's a bump on their gums, but I'm not sure if it's a tooth or if we're just thinking it's a tooth. Either way, I'm not ready for teething! And until the last week or two, my boys have loved sleeping just like their daddy does. However, they wake up smiling, unlike their daddy! We had it so easy when they were newborns, but they're definitely paying us back now!


I won't lie. This is, hands down, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Most days, I feel like it's sink or swim most days. It doesn't help any thing that Kevin and I are on opposite work schedules. Most evenings, I don't know who cries more...them or me. Going back to work was very difficult, too. At first I was okay with it. I felt that it was good for them to get a break from me and for me to get out of the house. However, here lately, the mother's guilt is overwhelming. I feel like they're going to be behind developmentally because I'm not here to work with them. I'm so exhausted from working that it's all I can do to feed them, change them, bathe them and put them to bed. Most nights I only get three hours with them and it kills me. I. am. exhausted. They don't like for me to be out of their sight, so we spend our three hours sitting in our living room floor. My back hurts and my legs are stiff. 


But, seeing their smiling faces make it all worth it. There are some days I'm so over my job and I'm so tired I could just cry but when I pick them up from their papaw's, I just melt from seeing them. It's like they've missed me as much as I've missed them. Their daddy will disagree, but they're going to be momma's boys. 


They're my whole world. I can't imagine life without them or what I did before them. They're the most amazing, perfect, beautiful things I've ever laid my eyes on. Creating them and giving birth to them will always be my proudest accomplishment. Kevin and I always say we can't believe we created something so perfect and wonderful. It's tiring, chaotic and stressful, but being their mom is the happiest, most amazingly wonderful thing I will ever do. 

Happy Hump Day!

The boys trying out their blankies their Auntie Christina made for them! They love them...any time I put them on them, they go right to sleep. However, neither one look too happy in these photos! 

The boys went "swimming" for the first time last weekend. The water didn't bother them at all. They slept soundly on our chests with their little feet in the water the whole time. We didn't keep them in long and they napped in their boucy seats in the shade the rest of the time. 

I have less than a week left until I go back to work. I'm not handling this well at all. The boys will be staying with their FIL, which makes me feel a lot better...but, I still wish I was staying home with them. The one thing I'm looking forward to is a routine. I've gotten in a slump and just sit in the living room with the boys all day. I'm attempting a bedtime routine this week and so far, so good. We'll see though!

One Month Old Already?

As of yesterday, the boys are now one month old. I can't believe it! They had an appointment with their pediatrician and she said they're perfect. :) Gavin weighs 8lbs 5oz and Landon weighs 8lbs 6oz. They're both 21 inches long! She did say that Landon has a functioning heart murmur, which means there's no structural damage to the heart. Thank God!  She did say that she'll keep an eye on it, but most of the time it's something they grow out of. And even if he doesn't, she said it's nothing to worry about. Still, it's not very comforting to hear there's something off with your baby's heart, whether it's going to cause problems or not. My mom said my sister had one, as well, and that she grew out of it. Let's hope he gets this from his auntie! They go back on August 30th for their first set of shots. I really hope they handle it a lot better than I do!

Last night, I attempted to take some cute photos to compare to when they were brought home. I was in a rush and they were fussy, so they didn't turn out that well. Hopefully, next month I'll be able to get some cute ones!

Two Days Old :)

One Month Old :) 

This last month has been the most exhausting, anxiety-filled, yet happiest month of my life. Although they wake us up several times a night, it's so worth the sleep deprivation when they make the funniest faces and cuddle up to you before they fall back asleep. And you can't get frustrated when they cry because you know they just need you so much and that's the only way to let you know. I know there will be times that I will get frustrated and there's nothing wrong with that. But, for now, I'm enjoying these moments when they need me so much. There will come a day, faster than I'd like, that they won't need their mommy....so, until then, I'm enjoying this.

Photo Shoot Sneak Peak!

We weren't planning on doing a newborn shoot, but a good friend of ours is a photographer and offered to do them for free. The boys didn't want to cooperate at first, so I'm not exactly sure how the first few pictures turned out. By the end of the shoot, they were sleeping so soundly and she got some really good shots in! Here are three of my favorites from what she has given us so far:

I plan on blowing them up and framing them soon! I'm going to wait for the rest before I do it though. They're going to be one month old tomorrow and it makes me sad/happy all at the same time. It's amazing how much they've grown in such a short amount of time. They have a appointment with their pediatrician tomorrow. I can't wait to see how much weight they've gained!

And not to brag (because, honestly, whenever I brag on them, they like to prove me wrong...), but Landon slept 7.5 hours last night! Kevin and I couldn't believe it. I kept telling him to make sure he was still breathing! We finally woke him up around 10:30 to eat...I know, I know...don't do that! I'm not planning on this being a nightly occurrence, but it was still nice.

Well, that's all for now! I hope everyone's staying cool and comfy in this heat!

A Few Firsts (PIP heavy)! :)

It's so hard to keep up with all of their "firsts". I try to get a picture of all the big stuff, but there are little things, like their first smiles I've missed. They've yet to have a real smile...just those ones that are supposedly from gas. Maybe I'll be able to catch the first "real" smile!

Their first night home: What a crazy evening that was for me! The boys did great, but me? I was a huge mess. My family was here when we got home and his mom & aunt came shortly after. I was so overwhelmed. When my family left, I ended up breaking down and sobbing hysterically. I cried for 45 minutes and made myself sick. Kevin and my sister finally convinced me to lay down for a few hours. And of course, I felt guilty for that and felt like I missed their entire first night home. :( I tell ya, there's so much you feel guilty for when you're a mother!

This picture is before bedtime the first night. They loved the swaddles for only a short time! haha!

Kevin's mom stayed with us for the first three nights. She was amazing. I couldn't have asked for better. She did so much. She kept the apartment clean, kept bottles washed and if I needed something she got it for me. When we came home from the boys' first pediatrician's appointment she had cleaned the entire apartment, even our toilets! I could have cried.

This picture is from the morning she left. Her dad had came by, so the boys got to meet their Great-Grandfather! He was so proud of them. It made me so happy! The little girl is Kevin's sister's daughter, Makayla. She loved the boys, too! :)

This picture is from when they met Kevin's mamaw, their Great-Grandmother for the first time. :) The boys are extremely blessed with grandparents. They have four grandparents, two great-grandparents and even have TWO great-great grandmothers. You don't find that that often these days! I can't wait to get a picture of them with their great-great grandmothers!

These pictures are from their first baths...which, they hated! And still hate...

Gavin

Landon 

These are from their first attempts at tummy time. Landon did fairly better than Gavin. Gavin ended up falling asleep on his pillow! haha!

Gavin

Landon

They'll be a month old next week! Where does the time go?? :(

Birth Story - Part 2

In my last entry, I wrote up until we found out I was complete and ready to go! And now, the rest of the story. ;) 

I panicked! I thought I had more time and now they're saying it's time to go? I started shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe. I was so nervous! One of my best friends happened to stop by around this time and she tried to calm me down, no help! haha! They had me do a few practice pushes before taking me into the operating room. Even though I was attempting a vaginal delivery, they wanted me in the operating room just in case something happened and they had to get the babies out quickly. They helped my sister and Kevin get dressed and then wheeled us down to get us all set up. The room was something like you'd see in a movie...it was all white with really bright lights. I felt like some type of science experiment!

While I was pushing, they kept losing Gavin's heart rate and needed to attach the heart monitor to his little head. It was crazy! She ended up having to use the vacuum to get him out and at 9:48 p.m. Gavin was born! He was beautiful and let out a huge cry for all of us to hear! I've never been so in love and just so incredibly happy! He was 5lbs 12oz and 19 inches long. :)

As soon as he was out, Landon decided that he wasn't ready and went up into my stomach. My doctor was concerned we needed to have a c-section, but told me to give it more push and see what happens. As soon I did, he came back down! I pushed so hard for 18 minutes and, after a vacuum assist as well, Landon was born at 10:06 p.m. Due to the stress of pushing so hard for such a short time, he was in distress and wasn't breathing. He was purple and limp and I just thought the worst. The nurses kept reassuring me that he was okay and that it was normal for a twin delivery, but I just wasn't buying it. I can still see the male nurse lifting his little leg up and it just falling without any resistance and hearing him say "Come on little buddy". I remember looking over and seeing my sister just sobbing and everyone was so quiet. Finally he let out a little wail! I don't think I've ever been so happy and relieved! He was 6lbs 2 oz and was 19.5 inches long. :) They laid him on my chest and I didn't want to let him go. It was an amazing feeling! 

They let Kevin carry both boys  to the nursery while they stitched me up. I ended up with a second degree tear and some damaged/strained nerves/muscles in my thighs. Other than that, we were good to go! After it was over, I just laid on the operating table and kept thinking "Holy shit, I did it!!" I just couldn't believe that they were here and that I had done it without a c-section! They let me have a few minutes to recover with Kevin back in our room before they brought the boys in there. Our families were so in love and so excited! They all came in with us and we were all so happy and relieved they were finally here. We took some pictures, my dad ran to get me something to eat and then everyone went home. Kevin and I had a few minutes alone with the boys before they took them to the nursery. We just kept staring at them...they were finally here!

I can't get over what a wonderful labor and delivery experience I had! The team of nurses that worked with us were amazing and pushed me to do my best. You always read this horror stories of what women dealt with while in the hospital, but mine was just the opposite. I have done nothing but sing their praises since I've been home. They cheered me on through each push, talked to me during the down time and stayed right by me to reassure me that Landon was going to be okay. One even came by the day after they were born, on her day off, to see them because her shift ended before they were born! 

Well, there ya have it...my birth story! :) 

Birth Story - Part 1

From the moment I found out I was having twins, I received hundreds of unwanted comments about how I would end up on bed rest and probably have the boys really early. As if I needed something else to worry about! So, imagine my surprise (and my doctors', too!) when I walked into the hospital to be induced at 38 weeks and 2 days!

On June 27th at 5:30 in the morning, Kevin and I arrived at the hospital. We were both so nervous on the 30 minute ride there...I couldn't believe it was really happening! And to be 100% honest, I was absolutely terrified. Obviously there was no turning back, but I kept asking myself "Can I do this?", "What if I can't handle them?". The whole day, people kept asking if I was excited and, all I could say was "I'm so scared." We filled out tons of paper work, changed into that ugly hospital gown, was checked for dilation (still  at 2 cm and 80%, which I had been for THREE weeks!) and got hooked up to all the monitors. My boys hated the monitors and kept moving from them. It took the nurse forever to get a good reading on their heart rates! Around 7:30 they started my IVs and I hated it. I'm absolutely terrified of needles...can't even watch them take my blood! So, of course, my luck they had an awful time getting the IV started. That blasted thing was the most annoying part of my day!

Our parents and sisters were the only people we wanted at the hospital with us until after the boys were born, so they arrived around 9:00 am. We told them not to be in any hurry, but they weren't having it. They wanted to be there for all of it and I'm glad they were. They kept me calm! They started the pitocin drip around the time they all got there, but my contractions never really picked up.  I was in pain, but I think a lot of it was due     to me just being so uncomfortable in that stupid bed and having to stay still to keep their heart rates on the monitors. Kevin was such an amazing help. He sat right by my side and held my hand whenever I was hurting. He refused to leave my side, especially when a nurse or doctor came in. They wanted to get my epidural started, but I was being a baby and wanted to put it off as long as I could. Which was silly on my part because the doctor didn't want to break my water or anything like that until after I was numb and the nurse didn't want to up the pitocin until then either, so I was basically just wasting time.

Finally, around 1:30 or 2:00, I got the epidural. I was as ready as I could have been before that, but they were in a c-section and I had to wait. My luck, huh? I will admit, I bawled like a baby when they came in. I couldn't help it...I was so scared! I had heard so many horror stories and I just did not want it. My two nurses and Kevin stayed right with me and coached me through it. Turns out I was worried for nothing! I didn't feel any pain at all, just pressure. I felt like a brand new person! They also checked me at this time and I was at 3 cm and 90% effaced. I took a nap and talked to our families for a bit and they came back two hours later, at 5:30, to check me again. I was at 4 cm! Wahoo! My nurse told me that I was in real labor now and that I should progress at 1 cm an hour. We all settled in because we figured it would be a long night. Imagine my surprise, again, when they checked me two hours later and the first thing the doctor says was "Oh, this is great! The baby's head is right there! You're complete!"

This is starting to get a little long, so we'll end it here! I'll leave you with some pictures and I'll post the rest tomorrow!

Me, after the epidural:

Whit & Kevin getting ready to head to the OR: 

Here we go!