Thursday, October 27, 2011

Where Have I Been?

Where has the time gone? I seriously had every intention of updating this daily. HA! I barely have enough time to sleep these days, why in the world would I think I have time to update? I had planned on updating while at work, but upon returning from maternity leave, I found out they had blocked Blogspot at work. WTF? 

Today, my sweet baby boys are four months old. WHAT?! They are no longer teeny tiny newborns. They are chubby baby boys who smile at their mommy every time they see her. 

They're also reaching for things, "talking", have rolled over one time each, are sitting in their Bumbos (even though their little thighs get stuck in them!) and have just started laughing out loud the last few days. They also may be cutting their first tooth. There's a bump on their gums, but I'm not sure if it's a tooth or if we're just thinking it's a tooth. Either way, I'm not ready for teething! And until the last week or two, my boys have loved sleeping just like their daddy does. However, they wake up smiling, unlike their daddy! We had it so easy when they were newborns, but they're definitely paying us back now!

I won't lie. This is, hands down, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Most days, I feel like it's sink or swim most days. It doesn't help any thing that Kevin and I are on opposite work schedules. Most evenings, I don't know who cries more...them or me. Going back to work was very difficult, too. At first I was okay with it. I felt that it was good for them to get a break from me and for me to get out of the house. However, here lately, the mother's guilt is overwhelming. I feel like they're going to be behind developmentally because I'm not here to work with them. I'm so exhausted from working that it's all I can do to feed them, change them, bathe them and put them to bed. Most nights I only get three hours with them and it kills me. I. am. exhausted. They don't like for me to be out of their sight, so we spend our three hours sitting in our living room floor. My back hurts and my legs are stiff. 

But, seeing their smiling faces make it all worth it. There are some days I'm so over my job and I'm so tired I could just cry but when I pick them up from their papaw's, I just melt from seeing them. It's like they've missed me as much as I've missed them. Their daddy will disagree, but they're going to be momma's boys. 

They're my whole world. I can't imagine life without them or what I did before them. They're the most amazing, perfect, beautiful things I've ever laid my eyes on. Creating them and giving birth to them will always be my proudest accomplishment. Kevin and I always say we can't believe we created something so perfect and wonderful. It's tiring, chaotic and stressful, but being their mom is the happiest, most amazingly wonderful thing I will ever do. 

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